I need to have a pity party, so consider yourself warned. There is no pep here today. Not being able to drink these last 7 months has really sucked. There have just been too many days when I really c ould use a drink or 7, and I can have what...2 ounces of red wine? It's not cutting it folks. Not that I need alcohol to drown out my sorrow, but it sure would be helpful today.
It's my mom's birthday. I am just sad today. Tears are just behind my eyeballs every second. It's giving me a headache.
I have a plan though- we are having a birthday party today. With from-a-box Funfetti cake complete with from-a-can pink vanilla Funfetti frosting along with some from-a-carton peanut butter swirl vanilla ice cream. Brilyn helped me shop yesterday. My kids have a great attitude about celebrating Gramma Janet's birthday even though she can't come because she's in heaven. Their joy at celebrating her birthday is helpful in keeping me from wallowing in tears all day.
But my eyes are still sad and want to cry.
I also have a sucky job today.
My brother gave me my mom's cell phone (that's a super secret, don't ask for the number, I don't like cell phones ( I think they're the devil), but since I could have a baby at any second, I thought it was a good idea, also, my brother and dad and sister can call me from their cell phones for free, so I took the cell phone.) to use and guess what? Her voice is still in there. She says, "You have reached Janet's cell phone," or something like that. And so I have the responsibility of changing that message. And I don't want to. So I said I would do it the night of her birthday, just in case anyone wanted to call it one last time and hear her voice during the day.
I need a few shots to be able to do that I think. And The Maker's Mark is off limits to me.
Even Solomon knows:
"It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts."
So, I will make a cake and eat some ice cream and make my morning coffee like this:
4 ice cubes
1 cup half and half
2 t instant coffee
2 t dutch cocoa
2 t raw sugar
1 t vanilla
generous amount of Irish Cream
Blended till smooth.
Talk about a slightly different take on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. LOL. Ooops- that's a joke and I am supposed to be having a pity party. Well, a bit of humor is probably a good thing today, even if it doesn't fit the theme.
Well, I feel a bit better after having taken the time to give full awareness to just how sad I am.