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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Winds-day, or a rather blustery day today.

I need to have a pity party, so consider yourself warned. There is no pep here today. Not being able to drink these last 7 months has really sucked. There have just been too many days when I really c ould use a drink or 7, and I can have what...2 ounces of red wine? It's not cutting it folks. Not that I need alcohol to drown out my sorrow, but it sure would be helpful today.
It's my mom's birthday. I am just sad today. Tears are just behind my eyeballs every second. It's giving me a headache.
I have a plan though- we are having a birthday party today. With from-a-box Funfetti cake complete with from-a-can pink vanilla Funfetti frosting along with some from-a-carton peanut butter swirl vanilla ice cream. Brilyn helped me shop yesterday. My kids have a great attitude about celebrating Gramma Janet's birthday even though she can't come because she's in heaven. Their joy at celebrating her birthday is helpful in keeping me from wallowing in tears all day.
But my eyes are still sad and want to cry.
I also have a sucky job today.
My brother gave me my mom's cell phone (that's a super secret, don't ask for the number, I don't like cell phones ( I think they're the devil), but since I could have a baby at any second, I thought it was a good idea, also, my brother and dad and sister can call me from their cell phones for free, so I took the cell phone.) to use and guess what? Her voice is still in there. She says, "You have reached Janet's cell phone," or something like that. And so I have the responsibility of changing that message. And I don't want to. So I said I would do it the night of her birthday, just in case anyone wanted to call it one last time and hear her voice during the day.
I need a few shots to be able to do that I think. And The Maker's Mark is off limits to me.

Even Solomon knows:
Proverbs 31:4-6
"It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts."

So, I will make a cake and eat some ice cream and make my morning coffee like this:
4 ice cubes
1 cup half and half
2 t instant coffee
2 t dutch cocoa
2 t raw sugar
1 t vanilla
generous amount of Irish Cream
Blended till smooth.

Talk about a slightly different take on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. LOL. Ooops- that's a joke and I am supposed to be having a pity party. Well, a bit of humor is probably a good thing today, even if it doesn't fit the theme.

Well, I feel a bit better after having taken the time to give full awareness to just how sad I am.

XOXO
Joce

7 comments:

Julie said...

Sending prayers and hugs your way, Jocelyn.
XXOO, Julie

Stephanie said...

Jocelyn,
Hugs for you. Today IS a hard day. Just think of the birthday party she's having in heaven with her Lord & Savior!

Any way you can save her outgoing message and just record a new one? These newfangled phones these days - they can do just about anything!! I was just thinking you might want to keep that message to listen to her voice in the future. I have my wedding video with my Dad in it... it makes me cry every time because sometimes it's easy to forget the voice after a time.

Now I'm crying! Love to you and praying for God's peace to surpass all understanding today.
Steph

threecollie said...

So sorry Joce. I hate to think how hard this day must be for you...the birthday party is a wonderful idea. Hope it helps you feel close to your mom.
I save people's voices in my phone all the time. When you want to check the messages you have to skip through brothers singing happy birthday, Ralph's Aunt Ann saying hi, a Trent Tomlinson warm up and all sorts of stuff. Hope you can find a way to save yours on the cell and still use the phone.

Hanna said...

Love you, my friend. Just read this at 10:15 at night, and would call you if, you know, you weren't sleeping...
XOXO

Anonymous said...

Do we ever get over lossing our MOMMY? Two years later it seems like yesterday to me.. I had a message from my mother.. that left with a broken phone.. I do let my mother live threw me daily. When I pick papers towels prints- mom loved them. When I eat Jelly, mom loved jelly!! Looking for 4 leaf clovers. She could find a million. Sadly I find NONE.. My daughter do though. Oh my just realized we are hitting 3 yrs. All my love.. Liz

Jes Walker said...

Last Wednesday was incredibly difficult wasn't it hon? I'm sorry this has been my first chance to check out your blog. I hope your birthday celebration helped to take the edge off our great loss. It truly was a blustery day- literally with high wind warnings and "the rain rain rain came down down down...."
I wish it was easier for us to get together, especially on blustery days .... what was it that Pooh said to his reflection? "Oh, hello. Am I glad to see you. It's more friendly with two." :D

So.. "I must be going now..." I am off to go watch Winnie the Pooh for the kajillionth time- there is just something cathartic about it, u'know?

Winnie the Pooh: Happy "Winds-day", Piglet.

Piglet: [being blown away] Well... it isn't... very happy... f-for me.

Winnie the Pooh: Where are you going, Piglet?

Piglet: That's what I'm asking myself, where? W-Whoops! P-P-P-Pooh!

Winnie the Pooh: And what do you think you will answer yourself?

Jean Marie said...

Hope you are feeling better (hugs).

Just found your blog and will be making my way from Maryland up to visit family and your town.

I am also from the same line of Dueslers as yoursef, will be in search of Apples :) and to visit the old ancestors haunts.Hope to stop by your orchard and say hello.
Good luck on the new baby.

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About Me
I love Jesus, my hubby, my 6 kiddos, my farm, good books and good food.