I can't do it captain...

I don't have the power.

I have been struggling with this. I don't have what it takes to do the job. I'm not kind enough, patient enough, selfless enough. I'm too tired. My head hurts. My back hurts. I'm discouraged.

And then, come to find out, that is exactly where God wants me.

2 Corinthians 12: ⁹ Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ¹⁰ That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Sarah Young, in Jesus Calling, says it this way; "Lacking time, energy, money - consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence... Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me." (125)
I love the phrase 'latch onto Me in unashamed dependence." As a nursing mama, I know what that looks like. It is precious. I can understand why God wants me in this place. I can be thankful for this job for which I am so ill equipped like James* says, because it will bring me to a place of lovely, sweet, childlike dependence on my heavenly Father. And that is a cozy place to be.

And I can be joyful in knowing that because of my weakness, I am going to do a better job than if I was strong. That is so counterintuitive. But, because I am weak,this job will get done with God's strength. I think we can all agree that my strength on my best day is nothing compared to God's strength on my weakest day. So, praise God, I don't have what it takes to do this job- so it's going to get done right.

So, count it all joy my friends- consider it an opportunity for great joy- consider it nothing but joy- all joy count [it]- deem ye all joy- consider it pure joy- count it exceeding joy- consider it wholly joyful-consider it a sheer gift- count it all joy.

*My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

I'm gonna make this soup...

Ingredients

• 4 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 cups chopped leeks, white part only (from approximately 3 medium leeks) I'm going to use ramps instead.
• 2 tablespoons finely minced garlic
• Kosher salt
• 2 cups carrots, peeled and chopped into rounds (approximately 2 medium)
• 2 cups peeled and diced potatoes
• 2 cups fresh green beans, broken or cut into 3/4-inch pieces
• 2 quarts chicken or vegetable broth
• 4 cups peeled, seeded, and chopped tomatoes
• 2 ears corn, kernels removed
• I'm going to add chopped kale here
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/4 cup packed, chopped fresh parsley leaves
• 1 to 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Directions

Heat the olive oil in large, heavy-bottomed stockpot over medium-low heat. Once hot, add the leeks, garlic, and a pinch of salt and sweat until they begin to soften, approximately 7 to 8 minutes. Add the carrots, potatoes, and green beans and continue to cook for 4 to 5 more minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the stock, increase the heat to high, and bring to a simmer. Once simmering, add the tomatoes, corn kernels, and pepper. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and cook until the vegetables are fork tender, approximately 25 to 30 minutes. Remove from heat and add the parsley and lemon juice. Season, to taste, with kosher salt. Serve immediately.

Little Angel

I am finishing a baby quilt I started when I was pregnant with my first baby. It's made from scraps of fabric- I was a college student, poor enough to actually make a quilt from scraps. I made up a pattern to fit the size pieces I had. It took me a long time to cut the pieces because I had some seriously dull scissors. But then that baby went to heaven before we even met. And I told Joe to get rid of those fabric pieces- I didn't want to see them. Smart man put them in a little package and put them out of sight. And they made the move to our apartment after we graduated. And they made the move to our first little house. And they made the move to the farmhouse where we now live.
At some point since we moved here, I found those fabric pieces. And I cried. And then my heart decided to finish turning them into quilt blocks. And then I laid them out and took pictures of each arrangement until I liked one best. And then I went to Joann's and bought some complimentary fabric for the edges and backing. And then I quilted them together by hand. And now I'm almost done. I want to embroider a little something on this precious little blanket. A little love note to my lost baby- a little note of solace to myself.

I am just gathering some quotes that might be the right ones for this task.

I found one by Barbara Kingsolver that made me cry-
"A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know."
- Barbara Kingsolver

And I found some that might make it to the quilt:

This is on account of my loving you forever.

Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.
-Pooh

If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.
-Pooh

A person’s a person, no matter how small.
- Dr Seuss

It’s a happy life, but someone is missing. It’s a happy life, and someone is missing.
- Elizabeth McCracken

Out of these ashes, beauty will rise.
- Steven Curtis Chapman

I held you every second of your life.
-Stephanie Paige Cole

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
Matthew 5:4

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more.
Revelation 21:4

For love is as strong as death.
Song of Solomon 8:6

And a little prayer:
Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my baby on my lap and told her about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold her on your lap and tell her about me?


12.

XO

Porch Cookies

Iced Capp

4 ice cubes
1 cup half and half
2 t instant coffee
2 t dutch cocoa
2 t raw sugar
1 t vanilla

Blend till smooth.
Porch Cookies

Cream toghether:
1/4 C lard
1/4 C coconut oil
1 C peanut butter
1/2 C sugar
1/2 C brown sugar
1 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
Mix in:
2 eggs
1 t vanilla
Add:
1 1/4 C flour
2 C oats
1 C chocolate chips
1 C raisins

Bake 375; 8 minutes